You know it will always just be me.

My trip in Massachusetts continues...Yesterday, Mom and I went shopping all day. We went to the Emerald Square Mall, TJ Max, distinctively Sweden, etc. I loved it. One of the things I miss most about living at home is going shopping with Mom. We can always just go and browse and have a good time together. I can't really do that with anyone else. Last night, I picked up Robyn and we went to Golden Panda. :) It was SO good. We waited like 20 minutes for the little pink sugar buns, but they're tradition for us, so it was worth it. Afterwards, we went and visited Nate at Panera. He came over to Robyn's after he got out of work and the three of us just binged on candy and played 12 games of Scattergories. It was a way good time. This afternoon, Nate picked me up for lunch (Papa Ginos). It's crazy. Despite the fact that I haven't seen Nate in 6 months, every time we get together, it feels like I never left. We just fall back into our old habits and old conversations. At Newbury Comics we almost got into a little altercation over gay marriage. That's really the only hard thing about our friendship: completely different moral codes and ideals. Anyways...I just said I didn't want to talk about it and moved on. We went back to my house, wrapped some presents, and watched "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" for a while. Mom came home, Nate left, we ate fajitas, and I met Clarissa's boyfriend. I wanted to hate him so bad, but actually, I couldn't help but like him. He was just really chill and friendly. I guess I shouldn't have judged him...

FYI: The Celtics won tonight...AGAIN. :)

Mom's making macaroons and Dad's asleep. I had some Luigi's Italian Ice. I'm pretty happy at this point. :)

I want someone to make me signs like the Kiera Knightly story in "Love Actually."<3

Today, I officially ended everything with Jim**. I know I always say that, but it's for sure this time. No more hanging out alone...Nothing. We both know it's not right, so why keep trying. I deserve way better than that. I deserve someone who will love me for me, and want to kiss me all the time, but will respect me enough not to. I deserve someone who will always choose me first, not just make me a default. I'm happy with who I am, so I should have someone who feels the same way about me. It's all good though. I know that person is out there. We're just both preparing for each other. I still want to go on a mission too! So no relationship hunting here. Just casual dating is my new deal. Of course there are a few people i would love to go out with in my ward, but that will just have to wait. asked Larry** out though, so I took that initiative, so we'll see how that goes...

As far as home goes, things are going great. I know my time here is too short, but at least I get to be home at all. Today we went to sacrament meeting in Foxboro (The last 2 hours were cancelled because of snow). It was really great to see everyone in the home ward. I felt really confident and happy to be there. I love seeing all those old people. I've come a very long way since I last saw them, and I'm proud of myself. :) Afterwards, we came home and Dad made me boiled dinner. Ugh. I could have died, it was so good. Food is the number 2 best thing about being home. Haha. Later we just played Monopoly (which I won for the first time ever!!!). After that, Clarissa and I talked in her room for a while and had a heart to heart. It was really good, although I wish she wasn't making all the choices that she chooses to make. Anyways...We celebrated Mom's birthday today too. It was really nice. Overall, I had a really good, relaxing day. :)

** Names have been Sensored. Haha.

I'll take an East Coast winter to remove my splinters.

I'm sitting here drinking a hot chocolate from Dunkin while Dad is sleeping, Clarissa is straightening her hair to go out with her friend, and Mom is making stuffed peppers for me. Everything is pretty much perfect. It's hard to see how I was feeling so distraught last night, stressing out about not making my flight, which in the end I did make. I passed out on the plane to New York and woke up just as we began making our descent into the City. Because of the weather, everything was delayed, so Dad drove four hours to NYC to come pick me up. It was heavenly. A four hour flight and a four hour drive to get home. I'll take that any day. Having a layover is awful. Anyways... A lot of things have changed since I've been gone. My dogs (Scrappy and Sydney) are on the verge of dying, and so is my cat (Isabel). They are the last animals of my regime at home. There are a ton of other cats here, but I can't tell them from each other. At least the house doesn't smell like cats... Well, there are a lot of things I regret doing before I left, and they are haunting me now. I wish I could go back in time. But, I can't and I'm just going to try to have a good time here and get soaked up in my New England Christmas. Everything here is white and beautiful. I just love an East Coast winter.

I'm coming home from my hardest year...

So, It's been almost a year and a half that I've lived on my own. It feels like I've been doing it the whole time. North Attleboro feels like years ago, like it was another life that I happen to have vague memories of...Anyways, I'm about to go home tonight hopefully. I was supposed to go home last night, but because I fly on Jet Blue Buddy Passes, I fly standby, and there was no room on the flight. I was slightly sad, but I ended up having a great night in with Dixie. Since I moved out, her and I haven't seen eachother all that often, and if we do, it's in passing. So maybe it was a blessing that we could connect again and have a little sleep over. Not too many exciting things have been happening lately. Just dating around, moving, working, etc. Pretty standard. I can't wait to go home tonight, despite all the drama at home and the dreadful flight with a layover in New York. Once I'm there, I know I'll have a great time. Today I'm just planning on hanging out with Alex for a little bit, then he's going to take me to the airport if my flight doesn't get cancelled, which at this point, looks probable. It's snowing like crazy here, and it's snowing crazy in Boston. Maybe it's a sign that I'm not supposed to go home...Who knows? All I know is last Christmas, I was crushed when I found out I couldn't go home. This year, the desire isn't as strong. Maybe I'm growing up, or maybe I just don't want to deal with my family. Either way, my life, and who I am is changing, for better or for worse...